Valentines day oh Valentines day will you grant these leechorus (is that even a word) perverts a Valentine’s this year?Ohh no you won’t?..I guess I will have to aid them I guess huh?Well well you bastards Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and just what the hell are you doing Ehhh??Get out there and get yourself some damn chocolate you bastard!! >:O…Yes it Is I Megane~San who will give you the tips of how to get your self a Valentine and guide that young creature into your lover’s embrace <33…Where you will enter the worlds of lovers and become one like some freaky fusion like Dragon Ball Z or something..Yes Yes I will give you the Allure’s Charm and you only need to be level 20 to use it…But you have to have “Non creepy Otaku” skill equipped or else it won’t work!…So pause that gal game,Put down the PFP and stop eying that Figure cause I will show you how to get the opposite sex in this “HOW TO” guide on Valentines :3
STEP ONE:BE ATTRACTIVE/MANLY
For starters you’ll have to be manly..As there is no way in hell you’ll ever get a woman with that flabby body of yours..You’ll need rugged good looks that’ll make women swoon at the sheer sight of your manliness..You’ll need a beard that rivals the manliest man of all men Chuck Norris…You’ll need a pocket with endless amount of disposible income as ladies happiness are not free.. You’ll need to have at least a eight pack abs..Instead of that six pack tucked away in the back of your fridge..That you drink to drown your sorrows away..You’ll also need to be brave as to fight of hordes of other male suiters who seem keen on getting with your woman of choice…You’ll also need allot of EXP soo get to grinding those weak monsters and level up a little as you’ll need all of that for your latest conquest!
As for the females looking for their male suiters….You’ll only need three things to get them into your clutches…..For One you’ll need Booobs ……Two you’ll kinda Not wanna be a sexy trap…..As men do not like sexy traps once the clothes are off!!………And finally Three you’ll need to not be a manly girl as men need to be the alpha person..The person who controls everything..So make him a sammich or something and let him believe he’s controlling you as that is what guys like….Ohh yeah did I also forget you’ll also need to tell them how strong they are and how manly they are..As they worked soo hard trying to be manly for your sake why don’t you acknowledge that ehh?
STEP TWO:RESCUE YOUR LOVER FROM SOME SORT OF PERIL!
Ok plan some kind of kidnapping..Pay off some random street hoods to snatch up your Valentine…Make sure they are the toughest of the toughest..The ones that’ll make a baby cry by just saying “Gooogooo Gaaagagaa”..Yes those kinds..The ones you’d avoid by taking the long way home cause you don’t even want to cross their paths…Yep yep….Make sure they kidnap you Valentine and begin the rescue promptly!!Make sure you make this rescue as flashy as ever..Make sure you attack the kidnappers with your very owned special attacks..And also make sure you shout them out when your doing them as to add to the effect of saving that special one!
STEP THREE:MAKE CHOCOLATES FOR YOUR VALENTINES
Trust me when you make Valentine’s day chocolate’s for your beloved its all the more sweeter as it comes from the heart..But screw that you can’t bake for shit anyway right..Just buy the crap at you local store or something along with a Teddybear and hand it off…You coming out of the pockets should enough right…
STEP FOUR:ACT ALL TSUNDERE WHEN YOUR AROUND YOUR VALENTINES
Tsundere is the most cutest of all traits…It is a sure fire way to win the heart of your Valentines..If my Valentines pulled a Taiga on me I’d sooo lose it….And that’s why you will need to study up on your various anime with characters with trait.First of all it’s the best trait to convey your utter love for that person…Starting off all TsunTsun……Then BAM!!!!! throw in a little DereDere to mix it all up..They’ll never know what hit them….This of course is a women’s secret weapon and can be used at all times..It can be turned on and off at a moments notice as if you have a split personality or something.Hmmm but what about the Guys?Can they not Be Tsundere as well…Can they not show their hot and cold love for their female Valentines??Fear not guys that trait is just as attractive in guys as it is in girls!
Guys can be Tsundere as well..As I am a fine example of it..I don’t show my feelings much and I act all cold all the time but I will be lovey dovey with the one I like when the time calls for it hehe..Yes Guys You can hide your feelings all you want she’ll still know how much you love her,She’ll know that you secretly worship the ground she walks on as all tsundere’s do for their lovers…So act all TsunTsun for the sake of you love then throw in the DereDere but wait not that Dere save that for later will ya? .___.
STEP FIVE:DESTROY ALL COMPETITION THAT DEARS GETS IN YOUR WAY OF EVERLASTING LOVE >:I
How dare they have the audacity of even liking the same person that you love..Do they know nothing of the bond you and your Valentine created through the little time you had?You should erase them,let them cease to exist as they are just ruining your love with that special someone……Now I won’t tell what method you should use [cough,cough] kidnap them and hide their bodies..>_> Cause I wouldn’t know of such things hehe…And well if you can’t be with your valentines you then no one else should be ether right..As you and your Valentines are meant to be together forever and just why won’t
Anyone understand your plight?……Maybe you should erase your Valentine then He/she will forever be with you right?That seems like a brilliant plan no one will ever notice it was you that indeed killed them..You’d be the last person they’d expect that would do such a horrible vile thing!………..I only kid please don’t kill your Valentine as it is the wrong thing to do..Kill them when your married and on your last ropes of insanity and cannot understand why you like the bastard in the first place.And also decided to have a couple kids down the line and somehow can’t even find time to watch your favorite anime anymore.That’s the best time to kill them I believe…..Well I hope this guide helps each and everyone of you ronry bastards..I can say this cause I am ronry too ;A;..”Then Megane~San how will this work if it hasn’t for you?”……..T____T don’t question me you fools you know nothing of my work and shall continue to know nothing godammit!!!I’m ronry cause I choose to be this is my lifestyle choice ok and by under no circumstances will I stay a ronry otaku forever..It’s n-n-n-not like I want a valentines amyway >///>!!Ufff!!..I don’t care anyway it’s your choice if you want to use this guide..If you don’t want to try this guide then you shall be and forever will be
Till then peeps Merry Christmas and Happy Kwanza!……….Wait wut?